Sensitivity

Thank you.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Thank you for your concern, your support, your caring, your encouragement, your humor, your wisdom, your comfort.

I came home from the hospital on Sunday (my stay was slightly longer than expected) and am happy to report that the surgery was a success. My surgeon was quite pleased with how everything went and said that everything he'd expected to need to do from my MRIs, he did in fact need to do, and was able to do. He also said that I'd somehow re-herniated again, and that they were able to remove the stray disc material. Don't even ask me how I managed a third herniation. That wasn't the main source of the problem this time around, but it certainly wasn't helping anything. But anyway, it all went well. And my surgeon estimates that I am now 1/3" to 1/2" taller. Ha!

So now I'm readjusting to being home. The weekend was overwhelming - I've been able to get up and move around quite a bit, but am learning my limits as I seem to wear myself out fairly easily, and too much activity comes at a very high price. It seems that this recovery will be a gradual process, but I will say that it's really nice to be able to move around with more confidence and considerably less pain. I'm walking with a walker now, which the physical therapist said I shouldn't need for more than the next week or so, and I'm able to sit up again.

The best news of all is that the shooting pains I've had in my legs for the past three years is now gone. Yes, gone. GONE. Despite the incredible pain from the surgery (seriously, I have never experienced anything even somewhat close to this post-surgery pain that I've had over the last week), I could tell right away that the shooting pains that used to go all the way down to my toes had gone. I was terrified that they would come back when I got up to walk, but they didn't. The pain I have now is basically surgical pain that I expect to go away somewhere down the road. My incisions bother me (and itch!) and my entire abdominal area is extremely tender from when they went in and pushed everything out of the way, but at the moment we seem to have hit a stride with my painkillers so it appears to be managed for now. Keep your fingers crossed that it keeps going this way. I've had a decent - if tired - 24 hours, and hopefully the streak will continue.

Maybe it's a side effect of dealing with the pain - I think the pain itself is just plain exhausting - but I've been experiencing this odd sensitivity to sound and light over the last couple of days. Talking on the phone is giving me a headache, staring at my computer is giving me a headache, listening to more than one sound source (like if the TV is on and someone starts talking) is giving me a headache. I think my body is just really drained. So hopefully I'll get back to posting with more regularity soon, but know that if I might just sort of lay off the computer for a couple of days, I'll be back.

In the meantime, I hope that everyone is enjoying a very happy and healthy holiday season. Thank you all for making mine so sweet.

Overwhelmed

I don't know where to start. I'm feeling so many things right now. I just came off an absolutely wonderful weekend thanks to some fantastic visitors who made me feel "normal" (relatively speaking, of course) and social again, and kept me entertained and laughing for three straight days. I am so appreciative that they took the time and effort (and it was no small effort) to come see me - not to mention that it was just so much fun to see everyone. I've been missing my friends something fierce these days, and it feels great to spend time with people.

I'm also very appreciative of the warm wishes I've received from everyone. I've been a bit of an emotional wreck all day as I try to mentally prepare myself for surgery. I realized that the two things that make me the most nervous are 1) being under anesthesia for so long tomorrow; and 2) the pain that I know I'll feel afterward. People keep telling me that Wednesday will be excruciatingly painful. I know I can tolerate a certain amount of pain at this point, but I suspect that this will be a totally different kind of pain and I have no way to know how it will feel or how well I'll be able to tolerate it. I have full confidence in my surgeon and everyone at the hospital has been incredibly nice, so I know I'm in good hands, but I can't help but be anxious and scared. I've been on edge all day and just snapped at my dad for no reason at all, and I'm realizing that I've been tearing up about every five seconds. I know that even though it's relatively long, this is a fairly routine surgery - and I'm not actually all that worried about how the surgery will go and how I'll heal - but I'm just generally very uneasy right now. I'm a gal who doesn't even like being drunk because I don't like the feeling that my head is a little bit cloudy, and tomorrow I'm going to be under general anesthesia for somewhere around eight hours, followed by two days and nights on morphine. It's daunting. The kind thoughts people have shared with me really do provide me some comfort, and I count myself lucky to have frequent reminders of how genuinely caring my friends are. The support really is helpful, and I am so glad for it - not least because I know I'll need some more support over the coming months. The recovery will be a long and winding road, I'm sure, but for now I'm just excited to get into the Recovery Phase. I can't wait until this part is behind me.

So yes, I am overwhelmed by anxiety and nerves and fears as I go into my surgery tomorrow. But I am also completely overwhelmed with gratitude. Thank you all. You help me more than you know.

I will be in the hospital for the next few days so I won't be posting here for a little while. In the meantime, though, I hope the holidays find all of you happy, healthy, and enjoying lots of time with family and friends.

Also:
If you have any more holiday party horror stories, please send them along to beanmusing@gmail.com. All names will be changed to protect the "innocent," and if you guys send a few more in I will post them here as we go through the holiday season.

On the Brink

This morning I went to the hospital for my final pre-op bloodwork, a consultation with the hospital's patient advocate, and a consultation with an anesthesiologist. Once again I've managed to become a bit freaked out at the gravity of unsurprising information. First of all, I do have to say that I think it's smart for a hospital to have a person whose whole job is to be a patient advocate. Do all hospitals have patient advocates on staff these days? They really should. She offered so much information about the ins and outs of being in the hospital - it was very helpful in terms of knowing what to expect and how to deal with different issues that may arise. This was the same lady who had taken the time to give me the information from the spine class over the phone (good news: I don't have to go to the four-hour class tomorrow morning!). She said that I should spend a couple of days wearing my brace before I have my surgery so that I'll not only get used to wearing it, but I'll also know what questions to ask the physical and occupational therapists in terms of how best to go about my ADLs (hospitalspeak for "activities of daily living"). So far (read: in the last hour) I've noticed that the following things are difficult to do with my brace on: getting into bed, getting comfortable in bed, getting out of bed, sitting up in bed, rolling onto my side while I'm in bed, and reaching for things. I know that the PT and OT will likely be painful while I'm in the hospital, but I'm finding that I'm very thankful for having had the experience of working in a nursing-home-slash-inpatient-rehab-facility with a huge staff of PTs and OTs last year. I've spent a lot of time watching them and working with them and even though I know the therapy itself can be painful, I really am taking comfort in the fact that I know they really know what they're doing and that I'm finding that I have a lot of trust for them.

The thing that really freaked me out today, though, was that the hospital staff gave me a form to fill out with advance directives detailing a living will and power of attorney. My mom was with me at the hospital and when I said that she should be my POA, she actually said that it'd probably be better for me to appoint my dad. Honestly I think either one of them would be fine - I don't actually have a preference between the two of them - but somehow it was comforting to see that she was just as freaked out about the need for advance directives as I was. I don't think I can bring myself to fill out the form just yet... although I'll have to do it tonight so my dad can take it to his office to get it notarized tomorrow... but somehow it's comforting even just to know that I can put it off for a few hours.

I'm finding comfort in some really odd things these days, aren't I?

Update:
Thank you so much for the emails of support today (as always). I just want to clarify that they shouldn't actually need to use the advance directives for this surgery. It really shouldn't be an issue that comes anywhere near that; what freaked me out earlier (and still does freak me out) is being asked to think about it. As I've discussed with some of you, I do think it wise to have advance directives and a living will in place. It's just bizarre to actually make those decisions. (Sample question: "If you are pregnant..." - which, believe me, I am nowhere near.) I did fill out the forms tonight, though, and I'm glad to know that whatever happens - at any point - I do have my wishes in writing and they will be respected. Oddly comforting, once again. What is with me today?

Countdown

T minus seven days till surgery.

In the meantime, though, I've decided to collect holiday party horror stories. Email me any good ones you have - if I get enough, I'll post them all (anonymously, of course - feel free to change names to protect the "innocent"). Send funny ones from this year, last year, whenever... should be fun! You can email me at beanmusing@gmail.com.

Brace Yourself

I had my final pre-op appointment with my orthopedic surgeon today. I'm happy to report that everything went fine and everyone is very confident that I'll do well. I'm nervous, which I know is natural, but... well, the fact that it's natural to be nervous doesn't actually make me any less nervous. I think my nerves are exhausting me at this point. I got my brace today, too, and I'm actually wearing it at the moment. I don't actually need to wear it until after the surgery, but I figured I'd wear it for a little while tonight just so I can get used to how it'll feel to move around with it. It's basically a supersized corset, but it's not terribly uncomfortable.

Other than that, not too much else to report today. Except that the spinal fellow who is assisting my surgeon is completely and totally cute. Kind of distractingly so... but that's okay with me. He's young, too, so that's a fun little distraction. I hope I don't say anything dumb when I'm under anesthesia.

Random Thought

I know I'm supposed to be smart and all, and this question may be idiotic... but I'm going to ask it anyway:

If they're going to insert titanium pieces into my spine to prop my vertebrae up to the appropriate height, do you think that will make me taller?

Movie Reviews 6-7

In the last couple of days I've only watched a couple of movies:

Back to the Future - Okay, now this review isn't entirely fair since I've seen this movie about a hundred times. But that's one of the reasons I love it: somehow it gets better every time I watch it. And it has one of the All-Time Best Last Lines Of A Movie: "Roads? Where we're going, we don't need roads." How can you not love that?

Mystic Pizza - I thought this movie was totally cute and fun, but in all honesty it really just made me hungry. I'm not a huge pizza person in general, but I was craving it like you wouldn't believe by the time this movie was over. Adam Storke played the Andrew McCarthy part, and he did it pretty well. But if you look at his IMDb profile you'll notice that it was years before he did anything else that was at all memorable. In fact, one could certainly argue that this was his most memorable part. I'm betting that when this movie came out Andrew was pissed that Adam had stolen his part, and found him and beat him up (with his buddies in the parking lot, 80's-style... you know, first he had to remove his white blazer, and his buddies watched as they leaned against their cars). And really, who wants to mess with Blane? He was best friends with this guy, and I certainly wouldn't want to be on his bad side.

Ha!

This article just made me laugh out loud. Are people really so ignorant that this wouldn't be common sense? As one commenter pointed out, though, Nintendo may in fact have the solution to childhood obesity!

Drained

I'm continually amazed at how exhausted I get lately. I had an appointment with the vascular (blood vessel) surgeon this afternoon at 1:15. We left early because we weren't 100% sure where we were going, so we got to his office a few minutes after 1:00. Of course, the doctor wasn't even in the office and there were two people in front of me (one of whom had already been waiting an hour or so - and he got frustrated and left, so we only had to wait for the doctor to see one other patient) - so by the time he saw us it was already after 2:00. I get so frustrated when doctors do that. Anyway, he explained what he'll be doing during the surgery and the good news is that my dad didn't pass out. He has the weakest stomach for this stuff of anyone I've ever seen in my life. He looked pretty queasy, but he was alright. The cool part of the appointment was that the doctor showed me what they're going to insert in my disc space to prop it up to the appropriate height. It's a titanium piece that looks like an oversized thimble but has grooves on the outside of it. He said that they use two of those, side by side, and they insert a sponge in them that is soaked in the protein that will encourage the growth of the bone cells which will eventually fuse the vertebrae. They'll insert rods in the back as well, but I don't know how big they are or anything like that.

Anyway, we got home around 3:15 and I am completely fried. I'm back in bed now, TV off, lights down, and thinking I'll probably doze off in a little bit. Our next-door neighbors are coming over a little later, which will be fun. We have the greatest neighbors. They just moved in this summer and have become good friends. The parents are in their 30's and they have two little boys. The younger one had his first birthday last month, and the older one turns 3 today. We saw him playing in the driveway when we got home from our appointment and shouted to him, "Happy birthday!" - to which he grinned and replied, "Happy birthday!" Little kids crack me up.

Top Ten Lists

This has been keeping me amused all morning. Does anybody have anything to add?

Patriotism

I feel like a bad American.

I read the newspaper every day. I care about politics (after three-plus years, this bit of DC has finally rubbed off on me). I have what I like to think are well-formed opinions on a range of political and social issues. Even with this can't-walk, can't-hold-my-body-up-like-a-normal-person crap, I fought with my parents for days - and won - so they took me to stand in line and vote at my old elementary school, where I'm still registered. They thought I was out of my mind. I thought it was important.

So why is it that every single time I see George W. Bush come on television, my automatic response is to change the channel? Is it wrong that I just can't stomach watching that man speak?

Content

Today was a good day. I'm sort of "talked out" and pretty exhausted, so I'll write a "real" entry tomorrow (er, later today, when I wake up) with real paragraphs and everything. I promise. For the next few minutes, though, I'll rely on a list format.

Things that are making me happy at the moment:

• new movies from Netflix (The Bourne Identity, Network, and part of season four of Six Feet Under)
• lovely, sweet emails from old roommates
• watching Ina Garten (the Barefoot Contessa) make rugelach today
• wanting to make this (recipe here - it's the third one on the page)
• watching random YouTube clips of incredibly dorky things I'm not even going to mention in writing for the world to see... call it a guilty pleasure
• watching the episode of The Colbert Report when he had a friend of my parents' on the show... and knowing that this friend was just as completely ecstatic to be on the show as they probably were to have him as a guest... and laughing myself silly at the segment he was on
• Tivo
• realizing that I'm writing nothing but run-on sentences and fragments and not caring at the moment
• knowing that it's actually my job to work on things like sentence structure, so commenting on that above isn't entirely dorky
• seeing a light at the end of the tunnel - I can't wait to get back to work, even if it won't be for a while
• feeling lucky that I love my place of work and am excited to get back to it
• feeling unbelievably flattered that you guys are actually reading this
• realizing that I have a long list of things that are making me happy

And with that, I'm off to bed. Sleep sweet.

Nerves

Maybe the reason I've been feeling both bitchy and droopy tonight has to do with nerves. I had a long conversation with the patient advocate lady at the hospital today. I'm supposed to attend a spine class at the hospital on the 15th. It's supposed to run four hours in addition to having some more blood testing (I swear, I feel like a pin cushion these days) and a consultation with the anesthesiology department, and there's no place for me to lie down. Given that I can't be "vertical" (read: sitting up or standing) for more than about 20 minutes without enduring blinding pain and getting lightheaded (even with the percocet), this is a problem. The lady at the hospital was very nice about it and told me that she could give me all the info over the phone... so she did. So hopefully my surgeon will clear me and say that I don't have to attend the class anyway. He'd been pretty adamant about my going. Keep your fingers crossed.

Anyway, the lady at the hospital basically gave me the run-down on what to expect when I'm in the hospital. Some of it was helpful (right down to where to get coupons for discounted parking), and some of it made me nervous. I think the sheer volume of information made me nervous. It's not like this is all new information - a lot of it is information I've known - but I'm getting a bit uneasy.

So here's what I know about what to expect while I'm in the hospital:

• My surgery will take about six hours.
• I'll be in the hospital for three days.
• I'll have two surgeons working on me. One will be my orthopedic surgeon, whom I love, and the other will be a vascular surgeon, who will be there for the first couple of hours to make the incisions on my "front" and deal with everything on that side.
• Since my surgery is an anterior-posterior procedure, I'm going to be very sore not only in my back but also throughout my entire abdominal area, since it sounds like they'll basically just push a bunch of organs aside so they can work on my spine from that direction.
• The first couple of days are going to be "really rough," in the words of the hospital lady. My surgeon told me I'll probably hate him for the first day or two.
• I'll have a morphine drip that I can control for probably the first two days/nights - which sounds to me like an awfully long time to be on morphine, since I've never had it before (and I'm nervous because a lot of painkillers make me sick). But I suppose it's good to know that I'll be able to self-administer pain meds every 10 minutes.
• They might have to put some sort of drain in my dressing, in case my incision "leaks" (WHAT????).
• Eating will be severely restricted at first, due to the distress my abdominal area will incur, having been effectively shoved to the side... on the plus side of that, once I'm allowed to eat, the hospital has room service so I can call and place an order according to a menu that'll be in my room.
• They'll give me a kit of essentials for people who've had back surgery, including a "reacher" which will probably look like this yellow plastic toy my brother had when he was little.
• I'll work with PT and OT (physical and occupational therapy, respectively) and will get up to try to walk the day after surgery. They'll start me using a walker and we'll go from there.
• Apparently I won't be able to shower for a while - at least not as long as I'm in the hospital, and probably not for a few days thereafter (read: if any of you are planning to visit, you might want to come either immediately after the surgery, or wait a week so I can shower again).

The good news:

• Thankfully, there are no restrictions on visitors or visiting hours.
• The anesthesiologist should be able to give me something from the very beginning to prevent my getting sick from the anesthesia and painkillers.
• I may have talked my surgeon into using stitches that dissolve instead of using staples that would have to be removed. I'd just been picturing a staple-gun... and in my head, that just didn't look good. I know that with this surgery it's idiotic to be worried about the staples, of all things, but I'll be very happy to have some sort of less-invasive-sounding procedure to close me up.

The recovery will be long, but like everything else in the world it'll get progressively easier as it goes. I'll be in a brace for three months following surgery. I'm not allowed out of the house for the first six weeks after my surgery (well, I'm allowed out of the house to walk up and down the street or around the backyard, but I'm not allowed to actually go anywhere because I'm not allowed to be in a car). During the second six weeks I'll be allowed to ride in a car, but I think I'm limited in how much I can do that. My understanding of it is that it's not so much because I won't be able to drive; rather, it's that they want to limit my time in a car because on the awful chance that I were to be in an accident or anything, it'd be really difficult to "fix" me at that point.

In a way I'm excited for the surgery - mainly because I'm anxious for it to be over. Even at the beginning - even when I'm on the morphine drip - I think it'll feel like progress, at least psychologically. The way I see it, every day that goes by is one day closer to being done with this whole ordeal. But right now I'm a bit overwhelmed. Like I said, a lot of this is not new information and most of it isn't surprising, but it's starting to make me nervous. Surgery is December 19, which is now officially less than two weeks away.

A Case of the Mondays

Except that it's Tuesday. And in 20 minutes it'll be Wednesday. So I guess it's really just a case of the blahs. Today was a rough day... I was futzing around and dozed off and forgot to take my 4pm dose of percocet so I sort of screwed up my schedule. I can take the stuff every six hours, and once I take a dose it takes an hour and 15 minutes to kick in, so I've been trying to plan it so that it kicks in around the time that normal people go to sleep (you know, like, at night). I've been keeping odd hours lately and am trying to get back on track. So the rest of the afternoon/evening was kind of a wash, and now I'm feeling bitchy. My brain hurts.

My apologies for the lack of fun in this entry and the last one (seriously? I wrote about knitting?) - I'm trying to come up with some ways to add a little more oomph to the blog. I do, in fact, want to give you guys something entertaining to read. As one of you said today, you want some "hot blooded excitement." So I'll see what I can do.

To make up for the lack of excitement today, I'll direct you to a place that delivers far more salacious stories than I. Courtesy of a very dear friend: http://idontlikeyouinthatway.com/

In that same vein, I direct you to this article. I'll admit that I'm half-fascinated by how difficult Beyonce was reputed to be during the filming of Dreamgirls. (Did anybody else notice how she felt the need to remind everybody of how many Grammys she has?) Half of me is intrigued by this, but frankly the other half of me doesn't care at all. Because, seriously, I am dying to see this movie. I've already decided that it will be the first place I go once the first six weeks of my recovery are over and I'm allowed out of the house again. I've always loved the theatre and have been watching musicals with my mom since I was little. I can't wait to see this. For those of you out there who also love theatre, this is a gem. It's a clip from the 1982 Tony Awards of the original Broadway cast of Dreamgirls, with Jennifer Holliday giving an unbelievable performance of "And I Am Telling You I Am Not Going." She played Effie White, who is played by Jennifer Hudson in the movie. Let's just say that Jennifer Holliday was more than deserving of the Tony she took home that night. In my next life I want to come back as someone who can sing.

Projects

In addition to this blog, I've been spending a lot of time knitting lately. (Bear in mind, I've only really been blogging for about 24 hours at this point.) It's a fun, relaxing way to pass the time and it makes me feel productive. I currently have two projects in the works. They're both blankets, and one is this pinky-peach color and the other is a great navy blue. I'm especially proud because I'm actually following patterns and they're coming out pretty well. I'm thinking I'll post a couple of pictures of my projects once in a while so you can see my progress. I haven't been great about knitting very much lately, so hopefully the idea of posting them online will motivate me to knit more. So here's the first installment.

The navy blanket is currently 17" long. I have to admit, though, that I haven't done all of it in the last few weeks - I'd started that one a while ago and just picked it up again. The peach blanket is 7" long at the moment, but I just started this one in the last month.

Fake Crushes

Yes, you read that title correctly. I am, indeed, talking about fake crushes. I have two at present: Matt Albie and Josh Lyman. Yes, I realize that these are not real people. No, I don't have crushes on Matthew Perry or Bradley Whitford, the actors who portray these men (men, people, not "characters") on Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip and The West Wing, respectively. And yes, I do know that The West Wing ended quite a while ago. I understand this fully. But Aaron Sorkin seems to know exactly what I like in a guy. Keep 'em coming, Aaron. Glad to have you with me during this difficult time.

Movie Reviews 1-5

Thanks, M, for reminding me that I can write about movies! I didn't even think of that. As most of you guys know I'm a pretty big movie buff... but I don't know how I would be at reviewing. (You'll realize that I'm not incredibly picky. I'm pretty easily entertained.) So maybe I'll just give you guys some random thoughts about what I watch. I recently started doing Netflix, too, so that'll speed these along. Here are some of the ones I've watched so far:

Ruthless People - Better Midler and Danny DeVito. This movie was so 80's and completely hysterically funny. I laughed out loud throughout this entire movie... highly recommend it.

I Heart Huckabees - I'd heard mixed things about this movie, but I loved it. Thought it was very clever. It's a very 'different' kind of movie and I can see how some people didn't like it, but I thought it was fun to watch.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - Another really clever movie. I watched this one late at night when the rest of the house was asleep, and it turned out to be the perfect time to watch it. It was really interesting and, I thought, well done.

Good Night and Good Luck - Okay, full disclosure here. I love George Clooney and I could basically watch him sit with a paper bag over his head and be happy, so I acknowledge that I was pretty biased in wanting to like this movie. Maybe it was my painkillers, but this movie just couldn't keep my attention for more than about two minutes at a time... which meant that I just couldn't watch the whole thing. Maybe I'll watch it again when I'm not on narcotics. Have to give George a second chance.

Thank You For Smoking - Now this was fun. Really smart and funny. I did expect to like this movie, but was happily surprised at just how great it was.

As long as I'm listing movies, I do have to list some of my all-time favorites. If you're ever wondering what to put in your Netflix queue, here are my very top recommendations: Casablanca, The Philadelphia Story, Midnight Run, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner, Finding Neverland, Annie Hall, and King of Hearts. Excellent. Every single one of them.

Schadenfreude

Appropos of nothing, I'm sitting here watching The View. I've started TiVoing it because I love watching Joy and Rosie berate Elisabeth Hasselbeck. I know it's ridiculous. Somehow I just can't turn it off. And Joy Behar makes me laugh. Does anybody else sit here and watch this show and want to throw things at Elisabeth's head? Oh, no, that's right - you guys have jobs.

In other news, it looks like a lot of you guys have checked out the site - thanks!

It Worked!

Apparently this blogging thing isn't so difficult at all - so I think I'll post some more now, since I seem to be wide awake and there's nothing on TV except "Miss Congeniality 2" and I'm feeling too lazy to see what the TiVo has recorded. Don't get me wrong, I love me some "Miss Congeniality 2" (I have a soft spot for what I lovingly term "stupid movies" - my calling them stupid is not to say that I don't like them, because I do), but it's 1:16am and I've seen this movie too many times for it to still be funny when I'm this tired.

I mentioned in the previous post that I have a lot of time on my hands these days. Now, most of you who are reading this are probably my friends and therefore know the situation, but just in case anybody else is joining in (in which case: welcome!) I'll give a brief recap (well, as brief as possible... it's kind of a saga).

I have a history of back problems dating back to high school. In December of my senior year of high school I had a laminectomy to repair a herniated disc at L5-S1. It was absolute hell for about a week leading up to the surgery, but the operation worked a miracle and I basically cartwheeled home and never worried about it. The best part about that ordeal was that I missed all three weeks of school between Thanksgiving and winter break, and I was accepted into college during that time (thank you, early decision) - so none of my high school teachers made me make up any of the work that I'd missed. Anyway, I re-herniated that same disc when I was 23 and needed another laminectomy to repair it. Apparently only 5% of people who herniate a disc will ever re-herniate that disc in their lifetime so, having herniated the same disc twice by age 23, I was a rare case and had an excruciatingly long and difficult recovery. Just what you want to hear: your orthopedic surgeon telling you that you're "special." I was in graduate school at the time and remain ever grateful to the professors who went out of their way to help me make up the months' worth of work I missed at that point. Acupuncture finally saved me, and to this day I'm convinced that acupuncture was the reason I became able to walk again. It's fantastic.

Anyway, over the last few months my back started to act up again, so now at the ripe old age of 26 I'm about to have surgery #3. This one will be a fusion and should fix the problem once and for all (well, as much as spinal surgery can really be considered a "fix"). I'm nervous for the surgery but have an absolutely phenomenal surgeon, so that's comforting. More than anything, though, I'm just anxious to get this all over with, already.

So that's where I am now. I'm camped out at my parents' house awaiting surgery - all my doctors are here, and it's incredibly helpful to have my parents around since my mobility is pretty limited and I can't do much for myself. I've been here since mid-October and will remain here until my recovery is complete, which should be somewhere around mid-March to mid-April. As grateful as I am for everything they're doing for me, you can imagine how frustrating it is to go from living alone to being completely dependent on your parents again for everything (seriously, everything - they bring me all my meals on a tray since I'm stuck in bed, and after the surgery apparently I'm even going to need help showering) - so I suspect you'll probably read about that quite a bit if you choose to stick around. Which I hope you do. Understand that my purpose here isn't to bitch, really - it's more a place for me to just air out my brain and get some "head space" since it's hard for me to get any here at home. It doesn't help that I'm quite literally in my parents' bed. I know, I know - what am I doing in their bed? Well, they have one of these amazing adjustable beds - it's the only way I can get into comfortable positions for my back, and I am obsessed with this thing. Anyway, my goal is not to write about my back all the time - I of all people know that can get boring. It just seemed that explaining all my newfound free time was an appropriate way to begin here.

At any rate, my percocet is starting to kick in so I think I'm going to try to get to sleep. Thanks for visiting the new site!

PS:
To those of you who know my parents - best to keep this blog between us. I need some space that they're not in at the moment. As you know I'm incredibly close to my parents, but I'm feeling a bit smothered lately. So this is just between you and me. Deal?

And Here We Go Again...

At the urging of one of my friends I decided to start this blog... about a year ago. I posted exactly one entry and promptly forgot about the thing. Fast-forward to now. I have a ridiculous amount of free time on my hands these days, so at the suggestion of another friend (apparently these people seem to think I have something to say) I'm returning to the blogosphere. We'll see how it goes. I'm cautiously optimistic at this point... due in part to the fact that I've spent the last half-hour trying to remember how to use Blogger in the first place, and it seems to be working. Keep your fingers crossed.